Baby Boy is Here!

Our precious little boy was born on June 30, 2013 weighing just over 7 pounds after a touch and go labor and birth. He is healthy and truly a bundle of joy and I have never been so happy to be sleep deprived.

Our little miracle (thanks to God and science!) is taking up all my time and love so I have not been posting much and probably won't be in the foreseeable future.

Thank you to everyone who supported us and cheered us on.  Don't give up on your dream of a baby whoever you are... we are proof that where there is a will, there is a way. 

Third Trimester Worries and Hopes

We've had a few scares with this pregnancy when a some questionable things were found on our scans, but really things continue to progress well and I am trying to keep my anxiety level down to a minimum. I know we're in the home stretch but I have to admit that I will not have real peace until we can deliver and take home a precious baby...God willing.  It is really comforting to feel him move and kick now and that provides daily reassurance. But for someone who has had a lot of losses, I find my thoughts bombarded by things like, "Is he moving enough? Has movement slowed down? Could the cord be around his neck? Is the placenta still functioning correctly? What did that sharp pain mean? Am I having too many Braxton Hicks contractions? Is my cervix holding out?"   The questions go on and on.

But right now baby boy continues to measure ahead and is even in the 90th percentile (we're all hoping he slows down a bit!). To think that doctors were concerned about IUGR (intra uterine growth restriction) when a 2 vessel cord was discovered at week 18 seems just funny now when they say he's getting too big. All I can say is that my prayers for his cord to work and get him proper nutrition seems to have been answered in the affirmative. :)  One of the techs told me last week that she has seen many, many 2 vessel cords in her years of practice and that she can count on one hand the times it actually affected a baby's growth.  Wish I'd heard that weeks ago!

Here's the latest profile shot...the cord is above his mouth, but I think it looks like he's smoking a pipe! ;)

So now waiting and being patient is the hardest thing. I'm uncomfortable, yes, but mostly I'm anxious to get this baby out into the world where all the perils we seem to face in pregnancy are over. I don't want him to come too early to be sure, but oh my...I hope he comes not one day later than he needs to. :)

31 1/2 weeks today....hopefully not more than 8 or so weeks to go. Stay healthy baby boy, and come as soon as you're ready! 

Milestones Passed...and it's a Boy!

I have been so busy moving to another state and beginning a new (wonderful) job that I haven't had time lately to post, but I am happy to report that we passed our big 10 week hurdle for this pregnancy (we never seemed to make it safely out of the 10th week before), followed by the 12 and 14 week milestones, which, I am told, means that the risk of loss goes way down after that point. I doubt I will ever feel totally safe during the pregnancy, but we are ecstatic to get to this point with all looking "perfect" as my doctor says.

Today I am 17 weeks and at our last scan at 14 weeks, we confirmed that we have a little baby boy. :) We took the MaterniT21 test given my age and history, and it was negative for Trisomy 13 (lost our Annabelle to this), Trisomy 18, and 21. All scans have been on target as well, with no concerns so far, and baby consistently measures 1 week ahead. Grow little one, grow!

Here are the latest scans of our little guy:

A profile shot is above....head is on the left, tummy in the middle, legs on the right.

And below is what they call a "potty shot"...looking from behind, legs in the air, and evidence of boyhood:

DH and I are thrilled to be having a boy and it is a huge relief to be into the second trimester. We are beginning to tell the wider world our news. :) 

6w5d and 7w3d Ultrasounds

I have actual photos of our little baby! Maybe he/she looks like a blob now, but I was assured that would change in just a matter days.

At our 6 week 5 day ultrasound lil' pumpkin had a heart beat of 137 and looked big for age (though the RE didn't measure at this scan).  We were able to see and hear the heartbeat on the scan and things looked perfect.

You can see the yolk sac on the bottom below the baby, it looks like a ring and the baby is the above it, closer to the uterine wall with the beginning of the placenta forming, creating an outline.

Here is baby at 7 weeks 3 days, looking quite a bit bigger, he/she measured 2 days ahead at 13.9mm (which is good news according to the perinatologist since that means there is no slowing of growth). The heartbeat was beating great at 155:

Above the word BABY you can see the actual umbilical cord arching above the baby and it is attached to the placenta. The tech thought I had an SCH/tiny bleed at the top of the placenta, but the doctor disagreed. The baby's head is on the left facing down and the feet are on the right facing upward. It looks like you can see tiny hand buds on either side of the body. I asked about the dark spot in the baby's head and was told it was a normal part of development and had a name, but I don't remember the term.

I started feeling really sick at the 6 week mark and that has continued. I feel that it's a good sign and it provides me reassurance, even though it is very difficult to function a lot of the time. I also continue with intralipids, Lovenox, baby aspirin, folate/B12, fish and krill oil, calcium, and prenatals.  I have a long way to go yet and my next scan is during week 9. It's hard to wait that long but if things still look good, I will have passed my previous loss anniversaries. Most of the time I try not to think too much about being pregnant, it helps me cope and makes the time go a little faster while I wait to get out of the danger zone.  Stick baby, please stick.   

1st Ultrasound 5w2d

My RE brought me in for an early ultrasound today at 5weeks 2days along. The pic above isn't mine, but this is what the screen looked like! Heh.  I was nervous but feeling ready for whatever the news would be.  As soon as the tech turned on the ultrasound screen, I could see one nicely sized gestational sac. So...my beta wonkiness and slow down must have been due to losing one of the embies early on. I did feel some sadness about that, and yet also real relief that one of the embies was pulling through.

As she focused in on the sac, we saw the yolk sac too. I asked about a fetal pole but it was too early to see it clearly. The RE assured me later that this was totally expected at this stage. The gestational sac itself was measuring ahead at 5w5d, so that was comforting. He also said the sac was placed ideally in my uterus.

I left feeling very happy because I have a rationale for the slowing beta finally. I also know the pregnancy is progressing with one embryo on target and that it is not an ectopic pregnancy, nor is it a blighted ovum (because there is a yolk sac present).

I go back for another ultrasound when I reach 6w5d, so I have a bit of a wait, but the wait will be a little more bearable now. I am so grateful for the compassion and understanding of my RE today.  

Progression Pics of Wondfo, FRER, and Dollar Tree Tests

I pee on a few sticks most days to check progression even though it is not an exact science by any means.  I have an endless supply of internet cheapies that will otherwise go to waste in my closet, so I've been using them up during this pregnancy, in addition to a few other sticks. It's been kind of fascinating to see the way different tests respond to HCG. For those searching for HPT progression pics, my POAS-aholism is for your viewing pleasure. ;)

The first set are my Dollar Tree tests. The interesting thing with them is that they have continued to get darker just up until about 19DPO (my beta was 1,555 that day) and then they look the same-with the control line just a hair darker than the test line.  This makes me think that they hit a threshold with the dye around a beta of 1,000 and that they won't get darker anymore. They get the prize for progression with changing dye the longest.

UPDATE: 11/12/12:  I continued to take the Dollar Tree tests and the test line finally became darker than the control line on 26 DPO (before that it was looking about the same darkness):

The second set are the cheap wondfo's from Amazon. You can see that by 14-15 DPO the test and control lines were equally dark and that they haven't changed since despite my HCG levels rising from 300 (13DPO) to over 1,000 by 19 DPO. Their threshold is less than Dollar Tree store tests and so while they pick up the earliest BFP's, I would say they stop showing progression with betas in the 500+ range.

The final set are the more expensive tests, the First Response Early Result (FRER).  They seemed to darken up until 16 DPO, which is when the test line became darker than the control line. I like that they have the kind of dye range, but they too seem to have a threshold in the 500  beta range- as if the dye has done all it can do and simply doesn't look any darker after that. 

UPDATE 11/12/12:  I continued taking FRER's every other day and found that by 25 DPO, the test line looked the same darkness but the control line faded and continued to fade on 27DPO. So, these do keep changing, it just took a long time:

Anyway, it's important to note that these tests do not continue to darken indefinitely if you're using them for progression purposes (at least not until much, much later on and even then they hit a threshold!). At this point, my tests can't give me a lot of new information and the one reason to keep testing would only be to catch dramatically falling hcg. Also, please note that some days the lines looked lighter, only to darken up again...that was due to my urine being more dilute or because the dye just seemed less in that particular HPT. One day of lighter tests doesn't mean anything....it's only if they continue to lighten that you need to consider things further. 

Happy stick peeing! 

Betas # 1, 2, and 3

Today I am 5 weeks pregnant.  My betas have been a bit wonky and I'm not sure what to think, but so far they are:

6dp5dt/11DPO: 96
8dp5dt/13DPO: 307 (28 hour double time)
14dp5dt/19DPO: 1,555 (60 hour double time)

The slowing doubling time is of concern, even if it is in the very slow end of "normal," but it could mean a variety of things-- it may be just a random slower beta and means nothing, or one of the embryos implanted but is now arresting, or the hcg is starting to decrease because the pregnancy isn't viable.  I won't know more until I either have another beta drawn or an ultrasound during the 6th week.

I'm staying very busy with family and church and reminding myself that it's not in my hands anyway...what will be, will be.  God alone knows. I feel at peace in general with the situation and we do have 2 more tries if this one fails (not that I'm particularly excited about going through this process again). But it is possible that this, our last effort to have a child together, will not work. If so, I will not have any regrets or wonder what more we could have done.  I will know that I did my best to give my DH the child he longs for and my DD a sibling-something they both want so very much.

I use this blog to express worries that I don't share anywhere else; it's a bit like a journal and has a similar therapeutic effect. Of course, it is pretty one sided, dealing only with the one topic of infertility and the attempt to have a baby, and so all the broader life stuff that happens in a day is missing...like my walk with DD today to pick Autumn leaves to decorate the table with or my time teaching a group of youth about prayer.  

Yet I also know, having been involved in the infertility and recurrent loss community for some time, that it is comforting to know you're not alone and that others struggle and have similar feelings.  I have found that no one understands or "gets it" outside of women who have had the same experiences.  So this blog is for those women, and selfishly, for myself -to have an outlet, since I refuse to burden my loved ones with the ins and outs of this whole process. I know there are plenty of like minded women out there who understand exactly what this is like.