Finding Hope with "The Infertility Cure"

Since we cannot, tragically, afford IVF/ICSI, to help us concieve a healthy baby, I am looking to find ways we can improve our chances naturally. Hubby has been on some fantastic multi-vitamins to help with his sperm issues. We're not sure how much it has improved over time, but he is doing what he can. So we're left to deal with my issues, the biggest being my age (nearly 39) and the fact that I have low ovarian reserve. *screams a little* So I need to try to improve my eggs and health at this point.


I ordered and read "The Infertility Cure" by Randine Lewis.
It's a great book although it is a big and somewhat heavy read. I found myself needing to re-read many portions, underline/take notes and study it to really benefit from it. It feels like a short crash course in fertility related eastern medicine. I think what she has to say is not only interesting however, but beneficial to any woman looking to improve her fertility by getting to the root causes of fertility problems and not just addressing the symptoms (which we do so well in the West). This book feeds my inner-hippie chic too. I love natural-granola type things, but she comes across like a doctor, combining wisdom from both east and west (and not like a flaky guru of some kind).

In reading you will be able to identify your symptoms for various problems related to ferility that are connected to our organs and hormones. What I discovered is that I have the classic symptoms of deficiencies related to my liver, kidney and spleen....the big three. I think I have always had some hormonal imbalances, but they have become more pronounced with age and stress. I have way too much stress in my life and have for years...but that's another story.

The book is so full of information that one of the challenges is actually narrowing down how you are going to address the problems once you recognize them. I wanted to start with supplements and there were so many options listed for all of my deficiences that it is difficult to choose. My approach was actually to take the supplements that seemed to have overlap in recommendations and/or were the easiest to find. Otherwise I would be taking like 60 things a day!

One thing you will come to understand is that this natural eastern approach is not a "one size fits all" and that you won't know which supplements to take to boost your fertility until you know what your personal problem areas are. Everyone can benefit from improving their diet however, which she recommends, and I am making an effort to get a lot more fresh fruits and veggies and fiber.

My new regimine consists of the following supplements daily to improve my fertility/eggs and cleanse/balance my organs and body:

Wheatgrass
Vitex
Milk Thistle Seed
L-Arginine
Chinese Ginseng
CoQ10
Astralagus

In addition I am taking an increased amount of Folic Acid and Calcium along with my prenatal vitamins and a baby aspirin every morning. We'll see if things improve. I have been on Vitex and Wheatgrass for about a month and have noticed a decrease in some of my hormonally related symptoms already. I have been gradually adding the other supplements in as well.

This week I have my first appointment with a fertility acupuncturist, which is something Dr. Lewis recommends. I'm excited! I did 3 sessions of acupuncture for back problems awhile back and felt FANTASTIC afterwards....I was pain free after every session for several days. So, I guess I believe it must really have some benefits even if we don't fully understand it.

Maybe that's where faith kicks in: I don't have to understand something to believe it can work. And this has given me some hope in an otherwise hopeless situation.

Chemical Pregnancy is My New Middle Name

I have been neglectful of my blog...it's been hard to write about purely bad news. My goodness. I had a chemical pregnancy loss in July/August on the heels of my May/June loss, followed by another *possible* chemical pregnancy loss at the end of August, making it three chemicals in a row. I'm three for three cycles! That's just crazy.

Honestly, the late August cycle is still a mystery to me. I took a HPT right before Aunt Flow arrived and it was still a faint positive. I started bleeding for four days, figured it was over and did not retest and decided to take a month off of TTC. I thought BDing/being intimate on CD 4 would be safe! But then I started having an upsurge in early pregnancy symptoms 7 days later so I took a test (just to assure myself I could not be pregnant still) and it came up faintly positive.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

I continued to get very faint positive tests for several days on multiple brands and so I made an appointment with a new OB in our new city, again fearing an ectopic. I think he thought I was nuts, but at least he talked to me at length about my history of pregnancy loss. My progesterone was borderline (10ish) so hard to say if I had actually ovulated again or not.

Long story short, I started bleeding and the tests finally went negative/BFN and the beta came back negative that weekend.

Was this a continuation of the former chemical loss, now 11 days later, or was this a new loss? I'll never know. I am tempted to think I might have ovulated on CD 5 because I had many of the signs/symptoms of it then. And if I did, the egg would most likely be too immature to develop properly. Here are 2 tests (in addition to numerous Dollar Tree tests and others not shown) that I took on what would then have been 9 DPO (if a new loss) or 30 DPO (if from the same loss):

I am starting to feel like an expert on chemical pregnancy loss, in addition to recurrent pregnancy loss. I know that most women who are not obsessively tracking and TTC would never know they were even pregnant with these very early losses, so in some ways that lifts some of the weight of it for me...because I believe I am now up to 6 losses in a row.

Eeeeegads that sounds dismal! You have to wonder what hope is left...and, well, that requires a new post.

Faint BFP on 11 DPO/12 DPO

This cycle I had a terrible UTI and was taking D Mannose to naturally get rid of it around ovulation time. D Mannose has a contraceptive effect and I know this is not a good time to get preggers because I just started a new job on August 1st (maternity leave only kicks in at the 1 year mark) so I was not expecting we had any chance this month (and last month we were in different states).

Anyway, right after ovulation I had symptoms like we had conceived with very sore nipples for a few days (happened with my last chemical) and colostrum was present. However, the symptoms went away around 4/5 DPO and I haven't had any real symptoms since then beyond some sleeplessness and fatigue.

Last night my breasts were sore and I found out a friend got a BFP so I decided to test at 11 DPO with very dilute urine around 9pm. I saw only a vague shadow on the wondfo, which I often see, so thought nothing of it. I went to bed and dreamt I took many positive pregnancy tests. I woke up and then saw a faint line on last night's test. It could be an evap, plus I don't have symptoms. So I took another test though just to confirm, but it too had a shadowy line and as it dried it's a bit darker. Today I am 12 DPO.

Now I know that because they're so faint, I am very likely dealing with another chemical. But I am back to waiting to see if they will get darker or not.

I don't even have a doctor to call since we just moved to a new state, so I am going to just wait it out for now. I don't see any reason to rush and get a beta done since at this stage there's really nothing they can do for me anyway.

My gameplan: I am not going to get excited knowing my track record and the fact that this doesn't look very promising with such faint lines, but I will start treating my body as if I am pregnant....eating good, taking my supplements, no caffeine, and will take my prescription folic acid.

Fourth Loss in a Row: Chemical Pregnancy

Well, I needed some time to re-group after learning that the HCG failed to double and that I was having a chemical pregnancy this month. My betas never got very high...they started at 13 (lab confirmed) and then went up to about 40 (my estimate) and then dipped back down to 16 (lab confirmed), before my OB told me the pregnancy was not viable. I already knew by then because my pregnancy tests were not getting darker. It's just not true that a "line is a line" when it comes to early losses, particularly when dealing with recurrent loss situations. Lines should be getting darker every 2-3 days over several days, even accounting for urine concentration and dye amounts on most tests. One lighter test or tests the same color within 24 hours of each other do not mean anything, but over several days, it becomes a worrisome sign. When my HCG was doubling properly with previous pregnancies, my tests did visibly darken every 2-3 days.

Here is the progression of my tests from my chemical. You can see they did not get very dark, then held steady, and then began to get lighter:

There are lines IRL on Days 10-18DPO. On 11DPO my beta was 13. On 17DPO it was 16. HCG appears to have peaked about 14DPO. I began to bleed on 20DPO (4w5d) but was having some painful cramping, so I tested again at 22DPO (last test) to make sure it was negative and it was. I feared I was having an ectopic with this pregnancy because I had quite a bit of pain on my right side. I'll never know if that was the case since it was such an early loss, but I am grateful it did not become an issue. I am also grateful it was not a later loss, which is much more difficult physically and emotionally. I am trying to find grace in this wherever I can.

This is my first -known- chemical. I may have had one or more before but wasn't paying close enough attention. My other losses were later after I was quite late, so this was a somewhat new experience in that I never did get my hopes up the way I did with my other losses. That made it easier certainly. It still hurts and, more than anything, creates an even deeper fear that we're just never going to get a take home baby and my time is running out. That's the worst part of it.

So, we will be on a TTC break now since the hubbie is out of town during this cycle. In an attempt to find hope, I am thinking that we may try naturally for a few more months but I am really going to investigate "mini-IVF." I'll post more about that later.

14 DPO and Still Unsure

My tests on 13DPO were disappointing: the Answer Early was a tad darker but the Wondfo was actually lighter than 12DPO. I started to feel very anxious and took another Wondfo around 8pm after a 5 hour hold and it was even lighter than 12DPO. I decided I needed to accept that this pregnancy wasn't going to make it, that my lines were getting lighter and would continue that way, and I did a lot praying and attempting to let go. It was a painful night.

I dejectedly took a Wondfo today at 14 DPO at 3pm after a 6-7 hour hold fully expecting it to be BFN or nearly invisible. Once again I was taken off guard when it turned darker than any tests to date. I bought a new package of Answer Early's and it was about the same, perhaps lighter. I took an IC and that was dramatically darker though, which made me smile... about three times as dark as yesterday's. So...mixed results from the tests but I feel like as long as they're getting darker, then I'm not out yet.

Tomorrow I go in for my second beta. I feel like the numbers are going to be low and I'm really anxious/scared about the results. I'm not expecting good news, but every now and then, I have a moment of hope that maybe things will turn out all right.

I think I may need to seriously "step away from the pee sticks" like everyone always advises. I see that with every test I am up and down and can't really see the "forest" through the trees. Perhaps testing every other day would be a good compromise: I can check to see how things are progressing but not obsess over lines every day. There is a much more noticeable difference between tests every other day anyway.

I will wait and see how the betas go...hopefully I'll know something tomorrow.

A Very Faint BFP and Ensuing Roller Coaster

I've had a ton of pregnancy symptoms this cycle, beginning as early as 1 DPO, which is unusual. My symptoms have included shortness of breath, excess saliva, bleeding gums, extreme bloating (such that my clothes hurt), shooting "letdown" sensations in my breast/nipple area followed by some leaking colostrum (that's a new one for me), terrible gas, sore/scratchy throat and a bad backache: every symptom I've had in previous BFP cycles. I believe I felt implantation pains on 9DPO (I also think I may have ovulated out of both ovaries, about 12 hours apart due to the specific pains I felt on O day.)

So this Wednesday, June 8th, on what should be 10 DPO, I got the faintest of faintest lines on 2 Wondfo home pregnancy tests. I took a FRER and it was BFN (big fat negative).

Here's the Wondfo's, for you squinters (they are very hard to see but there irl):



So I wanted to back these up and went and bought two blue dye tests that afternoon and took 2 and those also had very faint but visible lines. I took another FRER that night and it was still BFN. (Those Wondfo's are REALLY sensitive.)

I assumed that by the next day, 24 hours later, the lines would be quite a bit darker if things were progressing well. Unfortunately, the lines were still super faint in the morning with FMU (first morning urine). I assumed, very sadly, that this was going to be a chemical pregnancy/an early loss. That has been my line of thinking ever since, but I'm trying to see the forest through the trees right now and feel very much "on the edge of my seat," waiting anxiously.

That evening, Thursday, I took another Wondfo at 11DPO and the line was more visible/darker by a bit. Here is that test:

I followed that with the last of the blue dye tests and it was visibly darker than the previous days', but still faint. As I took a walk that evening I realized that my symptoms were still very much present and I started to feel a little bit more hopeful, thinking "just wait and see." I came back home and dipped an Answer Early and got this and decided it was a true BFP although faint:

In the morning, now 12 DPO, I tested again with FMU on a Wondfo and the line looked exactly the same as the previous morning's and lighter than previous evening's. I felt that it was confirmation again that this really is the start of an early loss. I spent the day feeling sad/down but resigned to the reality. Still, I tested again at 3pm, expecting to see a BFN, but this time the Wondfo looked noticeably darker. That encouraged me to take another test, including another Answer Early and digital and I got this result:



I took a FRER and it was a faint BFP too. My emotional roller started back up again because it means that the hcg must be increasing, not decreasing, so it means I am not out yet. Whether or not the hcg is increasing enough is now my concern, and that can only be known through a blood test to check my beta numbers. I had my blood drawn on Thursday and will have it drawn again this Monday and then find out what is going on for sure.

I have felt totally pessimistic for the last 2 days but am trying to hold out some hope. Looking at my tests from the last few days I see that my FMU tests are always a lot lighter than later in the day, so I am going to stop testing with FMU because it makes my whole day a downer. I will hold and test now in the afternoon or early evening (unless my lines darken sufficiently).

I also looked through the test galleries and realized that the tests in the early days of a BFP don't look much darker for a lot of women. Pondering why that would be, I assume because the numbers are so low, the difference between the doubling of a 3 and a 6 would not be too noticeable. Later on, when doubling goes from say 20 to 40, you would visibly see the difference. That may be an explanation as to why my lines have not appeared a lot darker over these past few days.

The positive thing is that over the past 3 days, the trend has been that my lines have darkened, even if only a little bit. That is the "forest" in all of this. Also, my lines match a lot of gallery photos for my DPO. The negative thing is that they are still very light and haven't changed a whole lot.

So, I will retest later today and see where that leaves me. I am not out of the woods yet and have to take it one day at a time. My strategy is to think very incrementally, just seeing whether I make it through one day at a time. With three losses under my belt, it's hard to believe anything would go well this time. So, I am praying and hoping against hope.

Please Lord, let this be our sticky, rainbow baby.

Review of First Response Fertility Test for FSH

In early 2010 I took a Day 3 urine based Fertell FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) Test to check ovarian reserve for fertility (not menopause) and several months later had my serum/blood Day 3 FSH tested as 8.75. The result with the Fertell was this:

The test states that a test line (left) that is lighter than the control line (right) means that one's FSH is at a sufficiently low level and therefore indicates adequate ovarian reserve. If the line is the same color or darker, then one should follow up with a doctor because it may indicate diminished ovarian reserve (and hence diminished fertility). According to one representative at Fertell, the test is calibrated to 10mIU/ml of FSH in serum...so having a test line identical in color to the control line would be similar to having an FSH of 10. For fertility purposes, an FSH of 10 is really on the precipice between sufficient and insufficient ovarian reserve. To my mind, my test line looked a little bit lighter than a possible serum FSH of 8.75, but it's close and was a few months prior, so basically accurate.

In January of 2011 I took a Day 3 First Response FSH urine test and got this result:

To my eyes, it looks the same, perhaps even a little bit lighter than the Fertell test I took a year ago. I have to assume (although I have no proof and cannot track down any information on this) that the First Response FSH test is calibrated in a similar way as the Fertell test, to about 10 mIU/ml, which is why the results appear similar to the Fertell FSH test. I did take a few more First Response FSH tests again in February and March on Day 3 to check for any fluctuation (always using FMU as directed), and I got about the same lines on all the tests, so they do appear to be consistent.

My feeling about the First Response FSH product is that it is somewhat reliable, but it ultimately only gives a woman half the story. The problem is that checking FSH alone tells a woman nothing about her estradiol level and estradiol MUST be checked in conjunction with FSH, because an elevated estradiol can falsely lower a woman's true FSH. This is actually true in my case, because I have a slightly elevated estradiol level according to my blood serum tests, therefore my FSH number is acutally unreliable, whether it is measured via urine or blood serum. If I did not know about my elevated estradiol, I would have assumed that my FSH was completely fine and even rather low from this urine test, which it is not.

So in the final analysis, my review of this product is that it is adequate in testing one's FSH level and appears to be consistent with other brands and even with serum results. If one gets a dark line on the test, it is absolutely a good idea to follow up with a doctor. If you get a light or average line on the test, it can unfortuantely mislead a woman into thinking her fertility and ovarian reserve are adequate and therefore prevent her from seeing a doctor, because it does not and cannot test for estradiol levels, which can mask a woman's true FSH number. An FSH test by itself is ultimately not helpful for this reason.