My Early Pregnancy Symptoms

Okay, so I managed to get another, much clearer positive pregnancy test again today (pictured above). I really do have to take it just one day at a time. In the mean time, since I spent so much time answering one woman's question on FF about early pregnancy symptoms, I thought I'd actually post them here, for posterity. Heh.

I am THE QUEEN of symptoms. Seriously, it is deeply embarrassing. I am either the most in-tune person with my body (in other words, crazy woman) or I actually just always have tons of hormonal things going on that I can't avoid noticing...PMS has always been severe for me.

Here are my early pregnancy symptoms, as of today, 11 DPO, in no particular order:

1. Enlarged/heavy breasts very soon after ovulation. They're always tender but not usually heavier until closer to my period. Bra feels uncomfortable.

2. Speaking of breasts, yesterday morning, before testing, I noticed in the mirror that my Montgomery Tubercles were really showing and more obvious/plentiful. And my nipples were itchy!

3. Shortness of breath during moderate activity. At times it feels like I can't quite take a deep enough breath. This was really noticeable on 9 DPO.

4. This symptom has happened w/every pregnancy: I just feel FAT...clothes don't fit right or look good. I always bloat w/PMS, but this comes on sooner and is a more general feeling.

5. Increased gas...for 4 days in a row now. Horrible! (TMI)

6. A few severe, very quick sharp pains, like round ligament pain, that feels like a charlie horse type cramp in the uterine area. That hit on 6 DPO and made me really wonder, since I only get that in pregnancy. It first hit on 9 DPO on my last BFP cycle.

7. Increased thirst started just yesterday at 10 DPO, which leads to drinking more fluids.

8. Increased fatigue, along w/feeling a bit feverish at times when I get tired.

9. A lot more cervical fluid starting at 4 DPO.

10. Irritable, everything is annoying...like severe PMS but this started at about 7/8 DPO.

11. Sleeplessness: I can't go to sleep at bedtime but then wake early even though I'm tired.

12. Let's talk cramps: At 3 DPO it felt like I was ovulating again through 5 DPO...basic ovulation pains again. At about 6 DPO the cramping felt like a dull, almost burning ache, but all on one side, that continued all day and radiated around the entire area/side. They subsided a bit, off and on, but continued to favor one side for the most part. Yesterday the only thing was a knot feeling just to the right of my belly button (but internally). Today it feels more like a lot of little knot sensations/cramps all over. '

13. More back pain, almost like I'm wondering if I injured it a tad. For a few days off and on, my legs felt achy, like I just worked out.

14. Bleeding gums when I brushed my teeth on 9 DPO. Apparently it's a symptom. I've read about it but my gums never bleed, so I took note.

15. Mild heartburn after almost each meal. I usually don't have this unless I REALLY over eat.

16. Seriously increased appetite, but it's more that I eat and get hungry sooner, like I'm famished.

17. Also strange and noticeable symptom related to eating: once I'm full, I feel like I'll hurl if I take another bite. I have to literally push the food away from me.

18. Craving and eating more protein. 2% milk started sounding super good, when I don't usually drink it and I ate through tons of soy veggie meat (I'm vegetarian).

19. Headaches almost every day for the past week.

20. Metallic or just "off" taste in my mouth that comes and goes...makes me want to chew more gum.

21. Stuffy nose every morning when I awake since about 3 DPO.

22. Not thinking as quickly/clearly, like a space cadet when I'm usually always so on top of things.

23. My intuition/brain told me "You ARE pregnant" quite a few times.

24. Diarrhea...oh joy!

Okay...it's insane I can name this many! Obsessive much?!?

A Very Faint BFP Today

BFP= Big Fat Positive (on a Pregnancy Test)

So, my husband and I were supposed to wait for 2 cycles before trying to concieve again. We really waited only one cycle because he had gone off of his meds in February and we felt we should not lose any time in case he had to go back on them again. (We believe and have been told that his anti-depressants are one of the potential causes for our miscarriages.) Our first cycle trying again was a major disappointment. I seriously thought I might be pregnant at one point and even had a very convincing evaporation line show up on one of the pregancy tests, but alas, it was not to be. I struggled with quite a bit of grief when it was clear I was not pregnant. Additionally, my husband became less sure how much he wanted to keep trying. He also realized (as did I), that he had to get back on his meds. This news spun me into a depression.

By the time we started my next cycle, I realized that this was our "last try" before my husband's meds took their full effect. He went back on them just a few days before I ovulated. We decided to give it a try, not expecting that we would fall pregnant. Additionally, I had started to do some serious soul work around the idea that I may never have another child. To say it has been painful and difficult would be an understatement, especially following our losses.

Sometime after I ovluated, I started having moments of a very strange sort of confidence that I was absolutely, without a doubt, pregnant again. And it was not just that I "felt" pregnant like I had before, but there was a deeper sense: it was simply a fact. I can't explain it, but I didn't like it, in case it was untrue. I also had a very vivid dream that first week after ovulating that I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. It was extremely vivid and wonderful. The only time I have had a dream like that was right before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

And then all kinds of "lucky" things seemed to be happening to me related to fertility: a child called me over to hand me a lady bug (they are considered very lucky for pregnancy). I was given 4 different gifts that were butterfly themed (symbol of new life). And while on a walk with my daughter, we found a baby bird's egg, very newly hatched and now empty, lying on the ground at our feet. We took it home. Plus, it's spring and everything seems to be shouting "fertility and new life" as we watch the flowers and leaves budding anew and as we prepare for Easter. It's all about moving out of death into new life and resurrection. Today itself is Holy Monday in the Church calendar and Easter is less than a week away now.

Of course, I had many more moments when I felt tortured by the idea that I could not be pregnant this quickly again, and this might be our last shot. In fact, by yesterday, I had convinced myself that I was simply a complete nut case with all kind of imagined pregnancy symptoms (of which I've had many)! Let's see, my symptoms include: heartburn, fatigue, tender breasts, gas, bloating, irritability, shortness of breath, itchy nipples, increased appetite and thirst, sleeplessness, vivid dreams, cramping and some very painful pulling sensations. The list goes on...seriously. And I kept thinking: what kind of insanity is behind my belief that I'm pregnant?! Of course you're not! Stop that!

So this morning, when I took my Wondfo internet cheapie pregnancy test, I was really and truly not expecting to see anything. But then I could have sworn there was a SUPER faint shadow tint on it...which even faded away when the test dried. Still, I reported the shadow to my Cycle Buddies on Fertility Friend and they were encouraging about it. I felt like I had gone truly mad, obsessing over this shadowy line. But I decided to test again with SMU (second morning urine) and again, another shadowy line, this time just a hair more visible. I took photos, tweaked, and posted them on our fertility discussion board to get opinions. Others could see it and encouraged me to "retest." By 1:30pm, I couldn't stand it. I retested and yet a third shadowy line, this time even more visible, appeared. I finally took my daughter to the store to get some higher quality tests and do some other shopping. We got home and I rushed to the bathroom, having "held it" for a full 5 hours so as not waste the costly tests and get the most accurate result.

I held the test in my hands, as I have so many other countless times, but this time it did not stare back at me stark white. No. It was like magic: a faint but clearly visible second line appeared. On both tests. (The test pictured above is one of them.)

So yes, I do have a very faint BFP only 10 days post ovulation. I have no idea if this pregnancy will last, if this little one will "stick," or if I need to prepare myself for yet another loss. I am less terrified in some ways because I feel prepared for the fact that we are high risk. No longer innocent, I know we could lose this pregnancy in a flash, and it would not be a shock.

We already have an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) this week. It was to be our first consultation related to fertility, but now I hope it will also be to establish me as a patient who needs some extra attention and support for this pregnancy.

So, I am seeking to take it one day at a time. I don't want to get ahead of myself like I have in the past. I am trying to simply trust God that whatever will be, will be. Truly, the future is not ours! And for now, I'll enjoy those TWO little lines.