On December 20th we had "THE TALK." I have been holding off for months because DH has been closed to the idea of TTC (trying to concieve again) after so much loss and frustration and I wasn't sure what approach to take after our sad news and multiple miscarriages. But on December 10th, which was Avery's due date, I visited the grave site and realized I still desperately wanted a baby, was feeling stronger again, and was even willing to go through more tragedy and loss just to try again...hoping against hope. I was also encouraged because several times I came across information that pine bark extract could actually improve sperm morphology, along with vitamins and minerals like C, E, B complex, zinc, grapeseed extract and iron. Antioxidants seem to be the key to correcting sperm damage.I ordered DH an amazing multi-vitamin called Opti-Men (with an amino blend, excess amounts of vitamins A, C, E, D, B complex, and zinc, and Folic acid...much more than found in Fertile Aid or Fertile Blend for men), an iron supplement, and a supplement called Super OPC Plus. OPC has in each serving (2 capsules): Grape Seed Extract...500mg, Red Wine Extract.....200mg, and Pine Bark Extract....200mg. He began taking the supplements on December 21st and it takes sperm 72 days to be produced (from start to finish), so we should be seeing improvements some time after that. I realize now that we did not have enough time for his sperm to improve when he was off of his meds (~60 days) the last time we conceived and subsequently miscarried.
I was also given hope about pine bark extract after reading this study on Pycnogenol (200 mg of pine bark extract): http://circles.fertilityfriend.com/Circles/c.php?u=http://www.chiroonline.net/_fileCabinet/pycnog_pub.pdf .
I have just gone off of Birth Control pills and will begin basic charting, checking CM and using OPK's (not temping or obsessing however). The idea would be to prevent naturally for 2 months and then try again in earnest in March. The feeling that the biological clock is ticking for my eggs does engender feelings of panic within me, but I am trying to trust and pray for the future.
If I do get pregnant, I will have to take a different approach...I just cannot jump into doctor's appointments and ultrasounds, etc. until much later. They just bring me too much anxiety and ulimately false hope because my last two pregnancies looked so "good" up through week 8. I hope to wait till 12 weeks before I am seen. Easier said than done I know, but by then I would feel like we will have more accurate information (for us anyway) because the early "good" ultrasounds have meant nothing in the past and only made the heartbreak that much worse. I know there are still possibilities of birth defects beyond that of course, and we're never "out of the woods," not with what we're up against. But at this point I don't see any other options for us...DH is not open to adoption.
So...prayers now for healthy eggs and sperm and that they find each other at the right time. Feels like Russian Roulette but I'm willing to take the risk even given our odds, and I feel that it is worth it in case we get a miracle baby.
