I am nearing the end of my third cycle on this medical protocol to theoretically fix/calm our allo-immune problems. This cycle is a BFN despite great BD timing though. On my second cycle our timing was so-so, but I had a flood of strong pregnancy symptoms early on and sky high temps that disappeared during the implantation window. I was really crushed because it feels like the protocol didn't work, although I know it could have just been a bad egg/sperm issue too.
We are thinking we may give it just 3 more cycles for a total of 6 months to try this protocol and if that doesn't work, we have will have hit the wall, officially. We have tried everything short of IVF, which we can't afford and with my few and aging eggs, probably wouldn't work.
I have been thinking a lot about whether we should pursue adoption or simply stop trying to give my daughter a sibling. It is a gut wrenching decision to be faced with and I have been hopeful, only to have my hopes crushed so many times, that I just don't know how much more I can take. The fear of an adoption falling through puts me into feelings of absolute fear and trembling. It seems like nothing has worked out and nothing will. I know that hope is that last thing to die...and mine seems to be on life support.
We are thinking we may give it just 3 more cycles for a total of 6 months to try this protocol and if that doesn't work, we have will have hit the wall, officially. We have tried everything short of IVF, which we can't afford and with my few and aging eggs, probably wouldn't work.
I have been thinking a lot about whether we should pursue adoption or simply stop trying to give my daughter a sibling. It is a gut wrenching decision to be faced with and I have been hopeful, only to have my hopes crushed so many times, that I just don't know how much more I can take. The fear of an adoption falling through puts me into feelings of absolute fear and trembling. It seems like nothing has worked out and nothing will. I know that hope is that last thing to die...and mine seems to be on life support.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I've ever replied to a blogpost. I came across your blog while doing research on neupogen, which I was also prescribed but my RE at Cornell thinks is totally bunk. I have had five losses (previous to neupogen)and four cycles with neupogen and no pregnancy. I'm seriously considering sparing myself the expense and just quitting the neupogen. I wish I could share my success story with you. Hopefully I can soon, but in the meantime, I will share a few other thoughts.
Firstly, you are not old! My sister had her first baby at 41 and her second at 43, both conceived naturally after taking chinese herbs for four months after 1.5 years of no pregnancy and an IVF miscarriage. My good friend who I've been on the "seeking to have a baby path" with just gave birth at 45.5 after 5 miscarriages and a failed IVF at Cornell. She switched acupuncturists a few months before, but who knows if that was the difference. Also conceived naturally.
So, I would say if you are not already trying chinese herbs and acupunture, you should do so.
Besides that, I think it's important to keep in mind that we are talking about the mystery of life here. Western medicine has no explanation for miscarriage that is not a chromosomal abnormality (or some other pathology). The truth is that many, many miscarriages are chromosomally normal fetuses conceived by healthy women and western medicine just can't say why. Eastern medicine has more explanation (and treatment) but it is hard to understand -- dealing with energy (qi) and other strange sounding things.
The point I'm trying to make it that I think having a baby or a miscarriage involves something less tangible than a diagnosis. There are things that we simply don't know or understand and therefore you should not give up.
As a Buddhist, I believe that everything is based on cause and effect. All the research you do, the sharing your story with others and the effort you make to try different things are causes toward you having a baby one day. Please don't give up and don't worry about your age. Please carry on bravely with hope until you can post your happy baby story here to encourage others. :)
Thank you so much for posting your message of hope! It's hard not to get too worried about my age, but I love hearing about older women getting babies. I think you're right that there is a lot more going on with the various factors in pregnancy...so much more than any of us can know or understand.
ReplyDeleteCan I ask who prescribed Neupogen for you? What does your RE say about it being bunk? Your experience sounds a bit like mine. I do incorporate herbs and I was doing acupuncture but had a chemical pregnancy while on it, so I kind of gave up on that. Have been thinking maybe I should try it again to help with blood flow though. In the meantime, I am going to be more focused on healthy living/eating/exercising now, since that's one of the few things I can control.
I hope you will be able to post a success story soon! Thank you again for the encouragement!
The Neupogen was prescribed by Dr. Braverman in New York. My RE at Cornell (Dr. Spandorfer) didn't say that Neupogen was necessarily invalid as a treatment, but that it was so under tested that he would never prescribe it or condone me taking it during an IVF cycle. He did say that the HLA matching theory is total BS, though, and that 99% of RE's would agree with him.
ReplyDeleteWe did decide to stop taking the Neupogen because it is so expensive and because Dr. Braverman actually charges just to call in the prescription which has always seemed a bit corrupt to me. Because I had believed the HLA theory, I felt like I HAD to take the Neupogen or I was guaranteed a miscarriage. This is what speaking to my RE relieved me of -- the burden of this HLA matching diagnosis. Now we can just try on our own for free. :)
I think you should try the acupuncture again if you can, but do a lot of research and find someone who focuses on fertility and has had a lot success. Not all acupuncturists are of the same level, I've found.
Also, keep in mind that chemical pregnancy is better than no pregnancy. A lot of things had to go right even to get to that stage. It sounds a little strange, but the RE's actually give you better odds to succeed if you've had miscarriages than if you've never been pregnant. And in Chinese medicine, I believe that they consider it two separate problems -- so if you've never been pregnant, you actually have two problems (infertility & keeping a baby) and if you have had miscarriages just one problem (keeping a baby).
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you again for your comments...it's all very helpful. :) I love thinking that we have only 1 problem instead of 2 according to Chinese medicine...heeh. I think there may be something to the HLA matching, but I get the feeling it only manifests in certain couples or at specific times, perhaps when other factors are present. What gets me is that so many women who have RPL go on to be successful after immune treatments...like something is helping, but does anyone know for certain what it is? I'm not sure we do, it's a shot in the dark a lot of the time.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I wish you all the best on your journey and am glad that you feel like you can finally move forward without worry! Best of luck and many blessings!
I was interested in what Vegamom said above in her post. I have been diagnosed with HLA matches - five of them. However, I've had one live birth in the past. My immunology doctor seems to feel that when I got pregnant a second time with a male infant (which did not go to term), that this manifested problems with the HLA matches. I was unable to get pregnant after that. I am currently taking neupogen. I refused IVIG because I've seen many times where it does not help someone get pregnant. Its also expensive and not covered by insurance. Also, the average age of women seeking immune treatments is 38. Their problem may not be immune issues, but old eggs. I am pretty sure I have valid immunity issues, as my cycle failures have all been with donor eggs from proven donors.
ReplyDeleteThat gives me Hope. I was taking neupogen during my cancer treatment years ago but never heard about its secondary use..till now.
ReplyDeleteThat gives me Hope. I was taking neupogen during my cancer treatment years ago but never heard about its secondary use..till now.
ReplyDelete