I have a little girl. She's a preschooler now, but when she was conceived nearly 5 years ago, it was by accident while using birth control. Four months into the pregnancy, my husband left me for another woman, saying he did "not want to be a dad." I struggled mightily over that pregnancy, knowing it had cost me my marriage at a time when I was unsure I even wanted children. The labor went horribly and left me traumatized. I didn't think I would "ever do that again."
I was abandoned and the divorce made legal and I did the single mom thing...it was harder than I could have imagined, made more challenging by the fact that I was living thousands of miles away from my family. But, then an answer to my prayers: I met my soul mate, it was sudden and unexpected. We hit it off splendidly...and he hit it off with my daughter who was almost one year old. He proposed and we were married a year later...he even adopted my daughter... now our daughter. And I found that motherhood was a gift beyond measure when the joys and trials were shared with another.
Being a mother has completely changed me. While I find fulfillment in the wonderful work I do as a professional in helping others, motherhood has, over time, become the most meaningful part of my life. My daughter is sincerely the greatest gift from God.
Two years after our wedding, we were ready to grow our family. We wanted to give our daughter a sibling before she got too old and, oh yes, I was already 36, that "advanced maternal age" of post-35 that seems to magically spell difficulty for pregnancy. We were scared and ambivalent but excited. I didn't think it would be too difficult however...we're both in great health, eat well, exercise, do all the "right things" and we even appear younger than we are. I made plans to get off of the Pill and we started trying as we entered June of 2009. I suspected it would take us a few months, but we planned to be pregnant before summer's end, which would be good timing for maternity leave 9 months later during the slow time at work. Only, it didn't quite work out that way.
Thank you for writing this blog. I am an older mum, desperately praying for a miracle after we lost our last one at 13 weeks a few months ago. I saw your pictures of your urine tests of your chemical pregnancy and they look identical to the tests I've had in the past week- all faint and not really increasing in darkness. Another loss would be a lot to have to go through again and with my advanced age, time is not on my side. I read through all your writings and I feel like we are kindred spirits. I am so happy you had a good outcome but so sad you went through so much pain before you had your baby. I'm praying that one day we'll get our miracle too before my time runs out.
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