Today I am 5 weeks pregnant. My betas have been a bit wonky and I'm not sure what to think, but so far they are:
6dp5dt/11DPO: 96
8dp5dt/13DPO: 307 (28 hour double time)
14dp5dt/19DPO: 1,555 (60 hour double time)
The slowing doubling time is of concern, even if it is in the very slow end of "normal," but it could mean a variety of things-- it may be just a random slower beta and means nothing, or one of the embryos implanted but is now arresting, or the hcg is starting to decrease because the pregnancy isn't viable. I won't know more until I either have another beta drawn or an ultrasound during the 6th week.
I'm staying very busy with family and church and reminding myself that it's not in my hands anyway...what will be, will be. God alone knows. I feel at peace in general with the situation and we do have 2 more tries if this one fails (not that I'm particularly excited about going through this process again). But it is possible that this, our last effort to have a child together, will not work. If so, I will not have any regrets or wonder what more we could have done. I will know that I did my best to give my DH the child he longs for and my DD a sibling-something they both want so very much.
I use this blog to express worries that I don't share anywhere else; it's a bit like a journal and has a similar therapeutic effect. Of course, it is pretty one sided, dealing only with the one topic of infertility and the attempt to have a baby, and so all the broader life stuff that happens in a day is missing...like my walk with DD today to pick Autumn leaves to decorate the table with or my time teaching a group of youth about prayer.
Yet I also know, having been involved in the infertility and recurrent loss community for some time, that it is comforting to know you're not alone and that others struggle and have similar feelings. I have found that no one understands or "gets it" outside of women who have had the same experiences. So this blog is for those women, and selfishly, for myself -to have an outlet, since I refuse to burden my loved ones with the ins and outs of this whole process. I know there are plenty of like minded women out there who understand exactly what this is like.
6dp5dt/11DPO: 96
8dp5dt/13DPO: 307 (28 hour double time)
14dp5dt/19DPO: 1,555 (60 hour double time)
The slowing doubling time is of concern, even if it is in the very slow end of "normal," but it could mean a variety of things-- it may be just a random slower beta and means nothing, or one of the embryos implanted but is now arresting, or the hcg is starting to decrease because the pregnancy isn't viable. I won't know more until I either have another beta drawn or an ultrasound during the 6th week.
I'm staying very busy with family and church and reminding myself that it's not in my hands anyway...what will be, will be. God alone knows. I feel at peace in general with the situation and we do have 2 more tries if this one fails (not that I'm particularly excited about going through this process again). But it is possible that this, our last effort to have a child together, will not work. If so, I will not have any regrets or wonder what more we could have done. I will know that I did my best to give my DH the child he longs for and my DD a sibling-something they both want so very much.
I use this blog to express worries that I don't share anywhere else; it's a bit like a journal and has a similar therapeutic effect. Of course, it is pretty one sided, dealing only with the one topic of infertility and the attempt to have a baby, and so all the broader life stuff that happens in a day is missing...like my walk with DD today to pick Autumn leaves to decorate the table with or my time teaching a group of youth about prayer.
Yet I also know, having been involved in the infertility and recurrent loss community for some time, that it is comforting to know you're not alone and that others struggle and have similar feelings. I have found that no one understands or "gets it" outside of women who have had the same experiences. So this blog is for those women, and selfishly, for myself -to have an outlet, since I refuse to burden my loved ones with the ins and outs of this whole process. I know there are plenty of like minded women out there who understand exactly what this is like.
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